It certainly has been an odd year for me. I have been in and out of hospital unwell: A nice unwelcomed cocktail of falls, seizures and epilepsy. However I will brush my shoulder and try to say in my best James Bond voice: Shaken, not stirred...

shaken, not stirred.

Enjoy the link above. However I managed to publish two books this year and a possible two are on their way to be published before the end of the year. So my aim as an Author and Publisher has not been stirred from track despite my physical ailments. 

What is taking its toll is not being able to move and walk properly any longer.  You do want to scream at a wall you landed upon. But then you learn to live with another bruise: It is just another one added to the collection of the others.

Another tough shit is ending up in A&E so often that I want to hide my face under a blanket. The 'Yes, it is me again', the bla-bla, the where, when and what to explain the what happened this time around. A: I can not plan a fit. It comes when it comes and it F'in hurt. B: I had to learn how to try to communicate when you can't talk but you are fully conscious. It feels like being trapped in your own body but your body doesn't respond very well at time any longer. My worst episode lasted an hour and a half give or take. So I learnt the blink-blink of the eyes and the nod of the head to say I am still here, kind of thing, or I do understand what you are trying to say or to tell me: the recovery position or else. C: I will tell you it is Jack Shit hard to deal with it all. But I am not alone, I have my Tyn-Tyn.

The best bits are when I am Home Sweet Home again and can work again. However I can tell you about the D: it stands for Death and I am so very conscious about it now. I have so many things to do, so many projects day in and out, I don't want it to stop. I just want to complete everything before the end of the line. I would love to decide the final point and when to put it.

To return to happier Elucubrations: which stands for E. I think I did reach an equilibrium because of my home. And for the F for Facts is all those little things that are Good in life (G for Good). Food, I had to learn to feed myself softer food but also to ingest medicine rather than vomiting all over the place the very medicine. Somehow to talk about Food when you can't have it properly any longer makes you feel better. It is like a placebo effect.

This website did help me to come to term with the fact that I had to deal with my Health issues (The big H): The Heart and Hypertension, the Asthma, the Epilepsy etc, etc, etc. Placebo effect helps you to concentrate on something good rather than looking at the 'this is vomiting blood': Alarm bells.